Author Archives: aidenfishy

A Lifetime

Title: a lifetime
Drabbles, one shot
Word Count:
322 words
PG-13 (for sensuality)
Character death, un-beta
Angst, AU, Romance

Notes:  This is my first time writing drabbles x3 .  Enjoy ^^/


The snowflakes fell down from the sky,

Showering the pavement with white and cold.

But again, there’s only one paired of footprints, walking slowly in a cold night.


Isn’t it beautiful?
To walk together in each other hands, to whisper affectionate words for each other, to love one another.
I want to go,
To your city, your house, into your arms
That face,
A soft touch,
Dissolving into the morning
Oh…I was dreaming.


“Look, my love,” Donghae said as he finished with something in the dining room.

Hyukjae watched him and looked around the house.  How he missed this house for almost three years.  There’s not a single changes, except for some furniture.

“I made this for you,” he turned around and smiled as he took off the apron from his body. “Appetizer first~!”

Hyukjae raised and come near him, hugged him and kissed his neck. “Can’t we just start the main food?”

The younger male blushed and let the older took off his shirt gently.


As many time as we going around the world, I could always remember the scents; old or even new, the texture of the different walls, even all delicious food we’ve been eat there.

But you know? The most scent I’m always remember is just our house.

And the best thing is, you always be with me.


There, in the same time and in the same place, he watched him sleep after took two sleeping pills.

“I want him to be happy…like he always been,”

“He will.” the death said.

“But he became hate his parents even more…and I-”

“He won’t, soon.  Because he knows you don’t like it.”

The brunette traced his fingertips of the sleeping man’s face with his transparent fingers.

“Will he…always remember about me?”

“…yes, he will.”

“Always be happy, Lee Hyukjae…” The brunette smiled sadly and kissed the sleeping man for the last time.

“I love you.  Good bye, Lee Hyukjae.”

Of the coffee and the rain

Title: Of the coffee and the rain
Pairing: Eunhae
Length: One shot
Word count: 6.112 words
Author: aidenfishy
Beta: Natthy and Emma ♥
Poster by: Fo Mai
Rating: PG-13 (for sensuality and smoking)
Genre: Romance, AU, angst (just slightly).
Summary: The memories keep replaying like it’s just happened seconds ago.  Love and life, they learned about that.  And it keep replaying as the rain spattered on the window of the cafe, making a rhythmic and soothing sound.
Disclaimer: I just own the fic ^^
Notes: I’m sorry for not update for such long time D:
This is the first time I seriously writing a PG :3
The words with italic-font is Hyukjae’s memories, while the bold-italic font, it’s a lyric from a song, “Koishikute” by Uverworld


At a fairly quiet café, there’s just me and my warm Cappuccino.  Yes, another Cappuccino.  I don’t know how many of glass I’ve drank already; the cappuccino still can’t make my heart warm.
I’m sitting near the window, which used to be his favorite place.  It’s been countless people passing by, but I haven’t found his figure among the people who did.
Rain is spattering on the window of the café, making a rhythmic and soothing sound as I take another sip of my cappuccino.  I see someone getting out of the café quickly and unwittingly slammed the door.  A small thought came into my mind, what made this person do that in the midst of heavy rain, especially without having an umbrella with him?

Probably, I will do the same thing if I see his presence before me, even if I just briefly see him.

How ironic, just only remembering him already made me miss him.



The last time honest talk about our dreams; I had with you turned out well,
The time that I should have spent with you, was spent on work or friends,
But why, even though I was surrounded by so many people,
I felt like I was the loneliest person on Earth,
I started to search for your shadow.



People said that I was an artist.  No, I’m not a painter nor a sculptor.  But, if I could tell a story, there was just one person who painted my heart through my movements.  The flow of music always penetrates my blood wildly; leads me to create a rhythm for my movements.  And I always like to do it.
But lately, somehow there was someone who made me become fond of it even more: Lee Donghae.
I don’t know when and how, the way he dances has always mesmerized me; every step he made with his feet, the movements of his hands, even the rhythm of his breath when we were dancing together.
Just when I felt my hope to find a soul mate was gone, he came into my heart.
My eyes always found its way to gaze at him; of course he didn’t know what I was felling, but sometimes his cheeks were flushing when we stared at each other.

He told me that he loved dancing.  While laughing, he said that he’d rather die than live without dancing.
There was only him in my eyes, even though when we were speaking, the situation where we had practicing was very crowded.


I love you; I call your name repeatedly,
It would have been great if I could continue loving you.
The word “goodbye” was repeated many times,
Even though it marks the end, I can’t forget you.


The rain becomes harder as I order another coffee.  As I waited for the waitress to come, I’m looking out the window; the streets ran with water and people dived through it with umbrellas, seeking for shelter.  It was indeed raining heavily.
I looked back at the café; the girl came near me and handed me the menu.  I shake my head slightly, and I say that I just want another cup of cappuccino again.  The girl nods and goes back to the counter.
I sigh in relief; relief that I don’t have to look at the menu, and look at his favorite drink on it.  Not when I’m not with him.

Our rehearsal would start next week, so we were hardly practicing over the month.
He’d been acting weird lately, he was quiet, and he barely looked at me.  He only looked at me when I made him.
I asked him once, if he had a problem with me, but he said he didn’t, and seemed uncomfortable about talking about it.  I also felt uncomfortable over it; we used to not be like this.
Even though, I felt a little relieved, because I couldn’t stand it; the accelerated heartbeat that always happened every time I saw him, even with just a simple glance.
I was in love, wasn’t I? It made all the sense in the world and yet none at all.  I didn’t think it was possible for me to like Donghae as anything other than a friend.  Somehow, today, being in love was an easier explanation than anything else.  I loved him, but I was shy.  What if I was the only one that felt like this?


The yelp sound of him woke me up from my wondering mind, for seconds, I forgot that we were dancing.  My heart skipped a beat as he slipped off of the dance floor while he was dancing. The sudden action was fast; by instinct and without thinking what I was doing, I grabbed him, prop his body with my arms.
He stared at me with wide eyes as he panted heavily.  It was the first time I saw his face this close; he was always beautiful like he had always been.  I looked at his reddening cheeks more than I intended to while we were staring at each other’s eyes.  My heart was hammering more rapidly than it had ever before in my life.

“I…I like you,” he said so suddenly.

My heart felt like stopping, did he really mean it?
“Had those words always slipped off your tongue accidentally when you were shocked?” I chuckled, tried my best to not let out some trembling words and make fun of it, even though if it was true that it was accidentally, it really was not funny for me.

“I like you too, Hae, that’s why I felt so uncomfortable when you were acting weird.  We’re friends, aren’t we?” I chuckled, and realized that we still were in that awkward position.  When I was about to let go of him, he grabbed my arms, not willing to let go.

“It’s not like that,” he stared at me, standing properly with his hands holding my arms, and my heart kept racing.

“I love you,” He looked at me seriously, tears started to fall down from his eyes. “I can’t stop thinking about you, I started to get used to always think about you, I want to see you everyday, be with you, I love you more than I love dancing; like I used to before I met you, I like everything’s about you, and it hurts…not to look at you without felt…loving you,”
He looked directly at me, tears pooling in his eyes, and my eyes widened, looked at him disbelievingly.
“Do you like me…in the same way I like you?”

He just said that he was in love with me?
“You like me like what?” I wiped the tears and gently lifted his face; red and tear-streaked, “Say it again.”

“I love you,” he sobbed, and I don’t know what I have to say anymore, my heart was racing more than I’ve ever felt, and somehow any sound seemed to refuse to get out from my throat.
A warm tear fell down from my eye, I kissed his wet eyelids and leaned to his shoulder, I knew it wasn’t a dream.

I loved him.

If I strained my ears, the echoing sound was the memory of the early summer; the season of Hydrangeas.
I tried to walk away without holding up an umbrella.  His retreating figure; lapis lazuli colored scent…


He was calling out for me, but my mind seemed not to be listening to him.
He ran after me, and held the umbrella over my head.  He was telling something that I barely heard, telling something that he didn’t want me to get sick.
I turned to face him and hugged him.  The umbrella fell from his hand at my sudden action and I squeezed my eyes shut.

“I love you,” I said, for the first time.

I opened my eyes and looked at him; his eyes wide and the water like tears fell on his cheeks.  When he tried to hide his wet eyelids, the sound of his heartbeat trembled in silence.

“I love you too, Hyukjae.”

I started to learn saying “I love you,”


The rain never teaches anything; it only continues to fall,
Always, at the same time in the last train, people are being accompanied by their lovers,
The feelings and desires that keep pilling are not fading,
Even though time has passed, the clouds won’t clear and the tears from the sky won’t stop falling.


My eyes are looking at the dim light of the café in this rainy day.
I rub my hands, I was distracted and somehow it became so cold.
I sip my coffee, and look at the blue box beside me.
The present I prepared for him still on its place; beside me, still without his presence.

The coldness that came with a storm slithered through the room, the flashes of white light and bone-rattling thunder; the rain was harder compared the minutes ago.
I was reading a book when he shivered and crawled on to the bed, sat beside me.  He slung his arms over my neck, and I closed my book, put it on the bedside table.
“Hey,” I looked at him and kissed his neck, “I just want to search for you. Have you taken a bath?” I kissed his head, smelling the familiar scent before looking at his face.  He smiled as he closed his eyes, kissed the tip of my nose and nodded.

“I still have a problem with my homework,” We leaned on the bed and he slid his arms from my neck to pull the blanket up.  Once we got beneath it, he slung his arms over my neck once more, and pressed himself against me.
I slipped an arm down beneath his head and caressed his face with the other; removing the bangs that was covering his eyes and kissed him. “Do you want me to help you?”
He tilted his head back and I kissed his neck, “Yes, let’s do it later, I’m tired.” Just when I was about to reply, he kissed me back and pouted.
“I’m always having trouble when the rain falls…and I always hope after the rain stops my problem will be solved.”
“Why would you think so?”
“I don’t know, probably it’s like in the movie…you know, when the characters have a problems, sky will be darkened, and rain will begin to fall…and when the rain finally stops, their problem will be solved just like that, and…that’s when the sky turns brighter.”
“Really?” I bursted into laughter, surprised. “Aren’t you a little old?”
“Don’t say-” he was cut off by a loud clap of thunder that we had not been prepared for.  He tensed, his hands slipped down to my chest, and he gripped the fabric on it tightly.
He hid his face on my chest, jumping slightly when another clap of thunder echoed outside.  He closed his eyes, unable to stop the flow of tears that begun to fall from his eyes.

“Donghae? Are you crying?” I asked in a concerned voice. “Why are you crying?”
I gently lifted his face and wiped the tears away.
“The…the thunder,” He blushed hotly, feeling so embarrassed over something as small as being afraid of thunders.
I gently stroked his hair and rolled over him, pinning him to the bed.  A soft whimper escaped from his lips as he hiccoughed, shutting his eyes tightly trying to control the tears.  I moved my face closer to his and kissed his eyelids, causing him to flinch.
“Donghae, I’m here for you, right?” I slid an arm beneath his waist and cradled his body, hugging him with my other arm.  He instinctively slid his arms around my neck, forgetting his embarrassment and crying into the hollow between my neck and shoulder.
I stroked his hair as he slowly opened his eyes.  He stared up at me with red, teary eyes and I smiled to him, laughing softly.
“It’s not funny, Hyukjae.” He moaned.
“No, it’s not.  Listen,” He sobbed, holding me tightly. “Rain is very, very useful to us.  It keeps the plants watered and it keeps the water cycle circulating,”
He blinked, letting me to continue.

“Now imagine, imagine if you’re a plant, but you have no owner, you just…grow up like that in the roadside,”
“But you’re there, beside me.” He cut me so suddenly and pouted.  He hated to be alone, after all.  I laughed softly, but loud enough for him to hear.
“Yes, I’m there beside you, also a plant.  Now listen,” I nudged him, telling him not to cut me again this time, and he nodded, softly giggled.
“Water is our food, but our food supplies in the ground kept steadily decreasing until we have no more water, which means, no more food.  And then, the rain fell, spattered our dried body, and gave us much food supplies to survive.”
He mouthed an ‘O’ and kept staring at me.  His tears abated as I continued to talk.
“Then, summer time was coming and we still have some food supplies from the rain before.  But after almost a month, we got lacked of food supplies again.  And then, you heard the thunder clapped in the sky.  How’d you feel?”
“Right!” I grinned and kissed him on the lips gently.  He grinned and kissed me back, I felt revealed; it seemed his fear had melted away.
“Oh! And we danced!” We both laughed.
“Yes, anyone who says sunshine brings happiness has never danced in the rain.”
“And we were?”
“Yes, you said that,” I chuckled and kissed him again.
“So, let’s start to not hate the rain and thunder anymore, okay?”  I put my forehead on his, and gazed to his eyes, convincing him not to get scared anymore.
“Okay,” He said softly.  “Help me not to,”
“I will.” I said, equally soft, and poked his flushed cheek with my fingertips gently.

It was the last time he cried when the rain came, even though he still got scared sometimes, but he slowly started to love it.
While me? I didn’t hate it, or got scared with the rain.
Because when the rain came, he would come to me and listened to my story about how the rain was useful to us, when rain had become so useful when it was used to water corps and replace the levels of fresh water in lakes, river and streams.

I loved every time I had with him, just two of us, and that was another time that I cherished with him; when the rain fell.
I loved the rain; I loved the cold, because it made me miss his warmth.


I love you; I call your name repeatedly.
It would have been great if I could continue loving you.
I had become a coward.
If you were the flowers that bloom, I have given you too much water such that you
wilted; I protected you so much that I had deprived you of sunlight.
I have no idea why, but I miss you…
I miss you.


”You should have told me if you loved someone else, don’t hurt your own feeling.”
He widened his eyes and looked at me. “It will make me hurt even more if you lie to your own feelings,”

My anger flared up, dominated my mind.  He tried to reach me, and I went out without looking back at him before my anger flew up, crawled to my veins and shatter my precious that so fragile.

I kept walking to where my feet lead me to.  The image of him hugging my best friend lovingly kept playing in my mind.
I should not suppose to slip those words out from my tongue; I should not let him alone, I kept on regretting.
‘I’m supposed to do that, I should not said that, I should not do that’ somehow I thought that I would be the person who kept repeating it in my mind.

I sat in a bench in the park; it’s still half noon, when there’s only one person over here.
I held my fingers up above my head, as if I could reach the cloud if I held them high enough.
The heartbeat that resounded and blended, they no longer existed.  It became uncomfortable to go everywhere without his presence and his voice near me.
That precious voice…somehow I could not go back to the way we were then.

I lifted my head and looked at the man in front of me. “Sungmin?”
“Hey Hyukjae,” He looked around, and back to looked at me. “You didn’t come with Donghae this time?”
I half shrugged and smiled to him. “No,”
He looked surprised, and sat beside me.
“What’s wrong?”
“I ruined everything,”
“What’s the problem?”
I took a deep breath and relaxed my body on the bench.
“I saw him…hugging Kyuhyun, and his face…I don’t know, I felt…strange.”
He chuckled and smacked my shoulder playfully. “You are jealous of Kyu.”
“No, I-” He looked at me, and the word ‘jealousy’ now seemed right.  He was right. “Yes, I am.  He looked happy while talking to him and I hate this feeling.”

He smiled and poked me on the arm.

“Hey, hey, look at this,” He raised his hand wide open and filled his palm with sunlight.  He held it in front of me and said, “Look carefully, Hyukjae.”
I observed his palm, but didn’t know what he meant by ‘Look carefully’.  So I just knitted my eyebrows.
“There’s dirt on your palm,”
“Eh? Where?” He looked at his palm and rubbed it to his pants.
“I was planting roses,” He grinned. “And they are pink.”
We both laughed, and he held it in front of me once more.
“Look carefully at this sunshine in my hand…it reflects and symbolizes ‘Love’”.
I kept looking at him as he continued.
“As long as you keep your hand gently open and allow it to remain there, it will always be there.  However, if you attempt to close your fingers around it and try to possess it, nothing will remain rather than darkness and empty hands.”
He put back down his hand and smiled to me.

“This is the biggest mistake that people do when they meet love.  They try to posses, desire, own, demand and expect.” He took a deep breath and looked at the sky above us. “And just like the sunshine vanishing from the palm, love will retrieve from you.  Love is meant to be free, you cannot change its nature, Hyukjae.  If there are people you love, allow them to be free beings.  You trust him, don’t you?”
I widened my eyes and he smiled to me.
He was right.  Sungmin was right.  Relationships collapsed due to possessiveness, overdrive and power struggle.  Well, we could never reason out our actions in relationships, but awareness always helped in defining our perspective.
When there’s ‘Love’, happiness, joy and cheer were meant to be shared and it wasn’t limited like a piece of chocolate.
Still, we felt as if we owned the person and bargained for our share.  How strange, but it was true.

“Sungmin!” I grabbed him by his shoulder gently, and looked at him. “Thank you…thank you a million times!”
He smiled and patted my shoulder. “You are very welcome.  Sungmin at your service?”
We both laughed.
“Rather than focusing on possessiveness, always remember one thing, all of it is just a feeling.”
“Okay! Thank you, thank you very much, I have to go now.”
“Go! Go now, Hyukjae.  Never regret everything, because it can’t make you change everything, just learn…to be a good person more and more, Hyukjae.”
I patted his back and stood up, now I knew where I had to go and what I had to do.

I turned back at him, and he smiled at me.
“Thank you very much!” I bowed to him this time.
“Yes, yes! Anytime! Go! You have to be there!”
I smiled and rushed to where I had to go.  I missed him.

Sungmin’s words kept repeating in my mind as I ran to him.  Sungmin was right.
Possessiveness uttered the path, while Love corrected the path of a person.  Possessiveness was selfish, while Love was selfless.  Possessiveness was like a jail, while Love was like the freedom one could rarely experience.
That time, I started to learn to change the word ‘should’ to ‘have to’.
I had wasted so much time regretting things, and I would not do that anymore.
We have to live with no regret.


I was running faster to our apartment than I ever had in my life.  I could barely feel my feet hitting the pavement and Sungmin’s words kept repeating in my mind.
Rain started to fall, the droplets of water spattered on my clothes gently.
I ran up the stairs and unlocked the door to our apartment.  The light in the hallway was still on, I took off my shoes and scarf hurriedly.

“Donghae?” Continue reading

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