Title: Of the coffee and the rain
Length: One shot
Word count: 6.112 words
Beta: Natthy and Emma ♥
Poster by: Fo Mai
Rating: PG-13 (for sensuality and smoking)
Genre: Romance, AU, angst (just slightly).
Summary: The memories keep replaying like it’s just happened seconds ago. Love and life, they learned about that. And it keep replaying as the rain spattered on the window of the cafe, making a rhythmic and soothing sound.
Disclaimer: I just own the fic ^^
Notes: I’m sorry for not update for such long time D:
This is the first time I seriously writing a PG :3
The words with italic-font is Hyukjae’s memories, while the bold-italic font, it’s a lyric from a song, “Koishikute” by Uverworld ♥
At a fairly quiet café, there’s just me and my warm Cappuccino. Yes, another Cappuccino. I don’t know how many of glass I’ve drank already; the cappuccino still can’t make my heart warm.
I’m sitting near the window, which used to be his favorite place. It’s been countless people passing by, but I haven’t found his figure among the people who did.
Rain is spattering on the window of the café, making a rhythmic and soothing sound as I take another sip of my cappuccino. I see someone getting out of the café quickly and unwittingly slammed the door. A small thought came into my mind, what made this person do that in the midst of heavy rain, especially without having an umbrella with him?
Probably, I will do the same thing if I see his presence before me, even if I just briefly see him.
How ironic, just only remembering him already made me miss him.
The last time honest talk about our dreams; I had with you turned out well,
The time that I should have spent with you, was spent on work or friends,
But why, even though I was surrounded by so many people,
I felt like I was the loneliest person on Earth,
I started to search for your shadow.
People said that I was an artist. No, I’m not a painter nor a sculptor. But, if I could tell a story, there was just one person who painted my heart through my movements. The flow of music always penetrates my blood wildly; leads me to create a rhythm for my movements. And I always like to do it.
But lately, somehow there was someone who made me become fond of it even more: Lee Donghae.
I don’t know when and how, the way he dances has always mesmerized me; every step he made with his feet, the movements of his hands, even the rhythm of his breath when we were dancing together.
Just when I felt my hope to find a soul mate was gone, he came into my heart.
My eyes always found its way to gaze at him; of course he didn’t know what I was felling, but sometimes his cheeks were flushing when we stared at each other.
He told me that he loved dancing. While laughing, he said that he’d rather die than live without dancing.
There was only him in my eyes, even though when we were speaking, the situation where we had practicing was very crowded.
I love you; I call your name repeatedly,
It would have been great if I could continue loving you.
The word “goodbye” was repeated many times,
Even though it marks the end, I can’t forget you.
The rain becomes harder as I order another coffee. As I waited for the waitress to come, I’m looking out the window; the streets ran with water and people dived through it with umbrellas, seeking for shelter. It was indeed raining heavily.
I looked back at the café; the girl came near me and handed me the menu. I shake my head slightly, and I say that I just want another cup of cappuccino again. The girl nods and goes back to the counter.
I sigh in relief; relief that I don’t have to look at the menu, and look at his favorite drink on it. Not when I’m not with him.
Our rehearsal would start next week, so we were hardly practicing over the month.
He’d been acting weird lately, he was quiet, and he barely looked at me. He only looked at me when I made him.
I asked him once, if he had a problem with me, but he said he didn’t, and seemed uncomfortable about talking about it. I also felt uncomfortable over it; we used to not be like this.
Even though, I felt a little relieved, because I couldn’t stand it; the accelerated heartbeat that always happened every time I saw him, even with just a simple glance.
I was in love, wasn’t I? It made all the sense in the world and yet none at all. I didn’t think it was possible for me to like Donghae as anything other than a friend. Somehow, today, being in love was an easier explanation than anything else. I loved him, but I was shy. What if I was the only one that felt like this?
The yelp sound of him woke me up from my wondering mind, for seconds, I forgot that we were dancing. My heart skipped a beat as he slipped off of the dance floor while he was dancing. The sudden action was fast; by instinct and without thinking what I was doing, I grabbed him, prop his body with my arms.
He stared at me with wide eyes as he panted heavily. It was the first time I saw his face this close; he was always beautiful like he had always been. I looked at his reddening cheeks more than I intended to while we were staring at each other’s eyes. My heart was hammering more rapidly than it had ever before in my life.
“I…I like you,” he said so suddenly.
My heart felt like stopping, did he really mean it?
“Had those words always slipped off your tongue accidentally when you were shocked?” I chuckled, tried my best to not let out some trembling words and make fun of it, even though if it was true that it was accidentally, it really was not funny for me.
“I like you too, Hae, that’s why I felt so uncomfortable when you were acting weird. We’re friends, aren’t we?” I chuckled, and realized that we still were in that awkward position. When I was about to let go of him, he grabbed my arms, not willing to let go.
“It’s not like that,” he stared at me, standing properly with his hands holding my arms, and my heart kept racing.
“I love you,” He looked at me seriously, tears started to fall down from his eyes. “I can’t stop thinking about you, I started to get used to always think about you, I want to see you everyday, be with you, I love you more than I love dancing; like I used to before I met you, I like everything’s about you, and it hurts…not to look at you without felt…loving you,”
He looked directly at me, tears pooling in his eyes, and my eyes widened, looked at him disbelievingly.
“Do you like me…in the same way I like you?”
He just said that he was in love with me?
“You like me like what?” I wiped the tears and gently lifted his face; red and tear-streaked, “Say it again.”
“I love you,” he sobbed, and I don’t know what I have to say anymore, my heart was racing more than I’ve ever felt, and somehow any sound seemed to refuse to get out from my throat.
A warm tear fell down from my eye, I kissed his wet eyelids and leaned to his shoulder, I knew it wasn’t a dream.
I loved him.
If I strained my ears, the echoing sound was the memory of the early summer; the season of Hydrangeas.
I tried to walk away without holding up an umbrella. His retreating figure; lapis lazuli colored scent…
He was calling out for me, but my mind seemed not to be listening to him.
He ran after me, and held the umbrella over my head. He was telling something that I barely heard, telling something that he didn’t want me to get sick.
I turned to face him and hugged him. The umbrella fell from his hand at my sudden action and I squeezed my eyes shut.
“I love you,” I said, for the first time.
I opened my eyes and looked at him; his eyes wide and the water like tears fell on his cheeks. When he tried to hide his wet eyelids, the sound of his heartbeat trembled in silence.
“I love you too, Hyukjae.”
I started to learn saying “I love you,”
The rain never teaches anything; it only continues to fall,
Always, at the same time in the last train, people are being accompanied by their lovers,
The feelings and desires that keep pilling are not fading,
Even though time has passed, the clouds won’t clear and the tears from the sky won’t stop falling.
My eyes are looking at the dim light of the café in this rainy day.
I rub my hands, I was distracted and somehow it became so cold.
I sip my coffee, and look at the blue box beside me.
The present I prepared for him still on its place; beside me, still without his presence.
The coldness that came with a storm slithered through the room, the flashes of white light and bone-rattling thunder; the rain was harder compared the minutes ago.
I was reading a book when he shivered and crawled on to the bed, sat beside me. He slung his arms over my neck, and I closed my book, put it on the bedside table.
“Hey,” I looked at him and kissed his neck, “I just want to search for you. Have you taken a bath?” I kissed his head, smelling the familiar scent before looking at his face. He smiled as he closed his eyes, kissed the tip of my nose and nodded.
“I still have a problem with my homework,” We leaned on the bed and he slid his arms from my neck to pull the blanket up. Once we got beneath it, he slung his arms over my neck once more, and pressed himself against me.
I slipped an arm down beneath his head and caressed his face with the other; removing the bangs that was covering his eyes and kissed him. “Do you want me to help you?”
He tilted his head back and I kissed his neck, “Yes, let’s do it later, I’m tired.” Just when I was about to reply, he kissed me back and pouted.
“I’m always having trouble when the rain falls…and I always hope after the rain stops my problem will be solved.”
“Why would you think so?”
“I don’t know, probably it’s like in the movie…you know, when the characters have a problems, sky will be darkened, and rain will begin to fall…and when the rain finally stops, their problem will be solved just like that, and…that’s when the sky turns brighter.”
“Really?” I bursted into laughter, surprised. “Aren’t you a little old?”
“Don’t say-” he was cut off by a loud clap of thunder that we had not been prepared for. He tensed, his hands slipped down to my chest, and he gripped the fabric on it tightly.
He hid his face on my chest, jumping slightly when another clap of thunder echoed outside. He closed his eyes, unable to stop the flow of tears that begun to fall from his eyes.
“Donghae? Are you crying?” I asked in a concerned voice. “Why are you crying?”
I gently lifted his face and wiped the tears away.
“The…the thunder,” He blushed hotly, feeling so embarrassed over something as small as being afraid of thunders.
I gently stroked his hair and rolled over him, pinning him to the bed. A soft whimper escaped from his lips as he hiccoughed, shutting his eyes tightly trying to control the tears. I moved my face closer to his and kissed his eyelids, causing him to flinch.
“Donghae, I’m here for you, right?” I slid an arm beneath his waist and cradled his body, hugging him with my other arm. He instinctively slid his arms around my neck, forgetting his embarrassment and crying into the hollow between my neck and shoulder.
I stroked his hair as he slowly opened his eyes. He stared up at me with red, teary eyes and I smiled to him, laughing softly.
“It’s not funny, Hyukjae.” He moaned.
“No, it’s not. Listen,” He sobbed, holding me tightly. “Rain is very, very useful to us. It keeps the plants watered and it keeps the water cycle circulating,”
He blinked, letting me to continue.
“Now imagine, imagine if you’re a plant, but you have no owner, you just…grow up like that in the roadside,”
“But you’re there, beside me.” He cut me so suddenly and pouted. He hated to be alone, after all. I laughed softly, but loud enough for him to hear.
“Yes, I’m there beside you, also a plant. Now listen,” I nudged him, telling him not to cut me again this time, and he nodded, softly giggled.
“Water is our food, but our food supplies in the ground kept steadily decreasing until we have no more water, which means, no more food. And then, the rain fell, spattered our dried body, and gave us much food supplies to survive.”
He mouthed an ‘O’ and kept staring at me. His tears abated as I continued to talk.
“Then, summer time was coming and we still have some food supplies from the rain before. But after almost a month, we got lacked of food supplies again. And then, you heard the thunder clapped in the sky. How’d you feel?”
“Right!” I grinned and kissed him on the lips gently. He grinned and kissed me back, I felt revealed; it seemed his fear had melted away.
“Oh! And we danced!” We both laughed.
“Yes, anyone who says sunshine brings happiness has never danced in the rain.”
“And we were?”
“Yes, you said that,” I chuckled and kissed him again.
“So, let’s start to not hate the rain and thunder anymore, okay?” I put my forehead on his, and gazed to his eyes, convincing him not to get scared anymore.
“Okay,” He said softly. “Help me not to,”
“I will.” I said, equally soft, and poked his flushed cheek with my fingertips gently.
It was the last time he cried when the rain came, even though he still got scared sometimes, but he slowly started to love it.
While me? I didn’t hate it, or got scared with the rain.
Because when the rain came, he would come to me and listened to my story about how the rain was useful to us, when rain had become so useful when it was used to water corps and replace the levels of fresh water in lakes, river and streams.
I loved every time I had with him, just two of us, and that was another time that I cherished with him; when the rain fell.
I loved the rain; I loved the cold, because it made me miss his warmth.
I love you; I call your name repeatedly.
It would have been great if I could continue loving you.
I had become a coward.
If you were the flowers that bloom, I have given you too much water such that you
wilted; I protected you so much that I had deprived you of sunlight.
I have no idea why, but I miss you…
I miss you.
”You should have told me if you loved someone else, don’t hurt your own feeling.”
He widened his eyes and looked at me. “It will make me hurt even more if you lie to your own feelings,”
My anger flared up, dominated my mind. He tried to reach me, and I went out without looking back at him before my anger flew up, crawled to my veins and shatter my precious that so fragile.
I kept walking to where my feet lead me to. The image of him hugging my best friend lovingly kept playing in my mind.
I should not suppose to slip those words out from my tongue; I should not let him alone, I kept on regretting.
‘I’m supposed to do that, I should not said that, I should not do that’ somehow I thought that I would be the person who kept repeating it in my mind.
I sat in a bench in the park; it’s still half noon, when there’s only one person over here.
I held my fingers up above my head, as if I could reach the cloud if I held them high enough.
The heartbeat that resounded and blended, they no longer existed. It became uncomfortable to go everywhere without his presence and his voice near me.
That precious voice…somehow I could not go back to the way we were then.
I lifted my head and looked at the man in front of me. “Sungmin?”
“Hey Hyukjae,” He looked around, and back to looked at me. “You didn’t come with Donghae this time?”
I half shrugged and smiled to him. “No,”
He looked surprised, and sat beside me.
“I ruined everything,”
“What’s the problem?”
I took a deep breath and relaxed my body on the bench.
“I saw him…hugging Kyuhyun, and his face…I don’t know, I felt…strange.”
He chuckled and smacked my shoulder playfully. “You are jealous of Kyu.”
“No, I-” He looked at me, and the word ‘jealousy’ now seemed right. He was right. “Yes, I am. He looked happy while talking to him and I hate this feeling.”
He smiled and poked me on the arm.
“Hey, hey, look at this,” He raised his hand wide open and filled his palm with sunlight. He held it in front of me and said, “Look carefully, Hyukjae.”
I observed his palm, but didn’t know what he meant by ‘Look carefully’. So I just knitted my eyebrows.
“There’s dirt on your palm,”
“Eh? Where?” He looked at his palm and rubbed it to his pants.
“I was planting roses,” He grinned. “And they are pink.”
We both laughed, and he held it in front of me once more.
“Look carefully at this sunshine in my hand…it reflects and symbolizes ‘Love’”.
I kept looking at him as he continued.
“As long as you keep your hand gently open and allow it to remain there, it will always be there. However, if you attempt to close your fingers around it and try to possess it, nothing will remain rather than darkness and empty hands.”
He put back down his hand and smiled to me.
“This is the biggest mistake that people do when they meet love. They try to posses, desire, own, demand and expect.” He took a deep breath and looked at the sky above us. “And just like the sunshine vanishing from the palm, love will retrieve from you. Love is meant to be free, you cannot change its nature, Hyukjae. If there are people you love, allow them to be free beings. You trust him, don’t you?”
I widened my eyes and he smiled to me.
He was right. Sungmin was right. Relationships collapsed due to possessiveness, overdrive and power struggle. Well, we could never reason out our actions in relationships, but awareness always helped in defining our perspective.
When there’s ‘Love’, happiness, joy and cheer were meant to be shared and it wasn’t limited like a piece of chocolate.
Still, we felt as if we owned the person and bargained for our share. How strange, but it was true.
“Sungmin!” I grabbed him by his shoulder gently, and looked at him. “Thank you…thank you a million times!”
He smiled and patted my shoulder. “You are very welcome. Sungmin at your service?”
We both laughed.
“Rather than focusing on possessiveness, always remember one thing, all of it is just a feeling.”
“Okay! Thank you, thank you very much, I have to go now.”
“Go! Go now, Hyukjae. Never regret everything, because it can’t make you change everything, just learn…to be a good person more and more, Hyukjae.”
I patted his back and stood up, now I knew where I had to go and what I had to do.
I turned back at him, and he smiled at me.
“Thank you very much!” I bowed to him this time.
“Yes, yes! Anytime! Go! You have to be there!”
I smiled and rushed to where I had to go. I missed him.
Sungmin’s words kept repeating in my mind as I ran to him. Sungmin was right.
Possessiveness uttered the path, while Love corrected the path of a person. Possessiveness was selfish, while Love was selfless. Possessiveness was like a jail, while Love was like the freedom one could rarely experience.
That time, I started to learn to change the word ‘should’ to ‘have to’.
I had wasted so much time regretting things, and I would not do that anymore.
We have to live with no regret.
I was running faster to our apartment than I ever had in my life. I could barely feel my feet hitting the pavement and Sungmin’s words kept repeating in my mind.
Rain started to fall, the droplets of water spattered on my clothes gently.
I ran up the stairs and unlocked the door to our apartment. The light in the hallway was still on, I took off my shoes and scarf hurriedly.
There wasn’t any answer, I walked in slowly and searched for his presence. The door in our bedroom was open and the light in it was still on as well. I walked slowly and opened the door wide enough so I could come in.
I saw him sleeping, curled like a ball and his cheeks almost glistening with the tears that had begun to drain.
I took a shower, brushed my teeth and locked the door. I turned off all of the lights, and walked into our bedroom.
I turned off the light, except the light on the bedside table.
I crawled onto the bed, pulled my half of the blankets and got beneath them.
The lights glowed, following the shape of his beautiful face. I traced his beautiful face with my fingertips, feeling grateful to every touch I made on his warm skin. Donghae was too perfect to be true. It was unbelievable to have him on my bed, breathing steadily and alive.
I reminded myself that I made a mistake today. I was judging him.
We lived together, we were a lifetime partners. How could I dare to think of him as my partner after today’s event?
But that was how I learned. I had swum so deep in this pool called ‘relationship’ before preparing the oxygen and learning how to swim.
I just learnt how to swim in the superficial part, not in the deepness.
As the time led us, I would learn so many things, so I could say properly that we were lifetime partners.
I slipped an arm beneath his waist gently and I kissed his neck.
“Hyukjae…” He moaned my name unconsciously.
That was true, he loved me in the way I loved him. Even in his sleep, he knew it was only me who touched him gently.
Like this, I just kept watching him sleep and waited him for awake in the morning. I would wait for him to wake up in the morning, apologize to him and start the day grateful and thankful.
I would be a better person from now on so that I could stand beside him proudly as his lifetime partner.
Honey that is too sweet, is being hated because of its sweetness.
When the perfect balance is broken and it starts to crumble, I became scared.
When I understand what was important, I let go of love.
Separation is the beginning of a new rendezvous, you taught me that.
Even today, I am still moving on, but…
I light a cigarette and I inhale its smoke, like the loneliest inhaled my body and my soul.
I let you sneaked to my mind, reach into memory and breathe into my breath.
There are so many days I appreciate my loneliness.
I leave my memories about human language and its curse, like I forget my urge to choose a word to name you.
You were beyond everything that could be made by words.
“No, you’re just joking.” My father assumed.
“No. I love him, dad.” Donghae looked at me, gripped my arms as he tried to be strong, in front of my parents.
“No. He is just telling me a joke, isn’t he?” He looked at my mother beside him, gestured his hand to me and Donghae.
“Isn’t he?!” He raised his volume an octave.
“No! This is just your joke for April fools, or something, right?”
“Dad…” I watched my mother rubbing his hand over my father’s arms. “Calm down…”
“I can’t! He just told us that he’s a homosexual, how would I be calm?!”
I felt Donghae tensing beside me at the loud, shouting sound from my father in front of us. I took his hand and squeezed it gently; I supported him in a secret gesture from my parents. We loved each other, didn’t we? We should not be afraid, because we didn’t choose this to happen.
This is not what we choose; being homosexual is not optional. Did they think that I become this way only because of him: Lee Donghae? Because I wished to be?
I chose to love him, but I didn’t wish to be homosexual.
It wasn’t like I was blaming this on them, but I was their son, wasn’t I?
They would understand, wouldn’t they?
My parents gazed at me, it made me feel a little insulted by their expression.
Why would my parents gaze to me like that? I didn’t do anything wrong, I was not a culprit, nor a murderer. That was all because I just became a homosexual.
More than fifteen years I had spent with them, turned to ashes just because of what I actually was.
“Mom, Dad, I…”
“I don’t want to hear anything about that,”
“I love him.”
“Just go, away from here. You can come back here once you are not gay anymore.”
I was driving in silence and Donghae kept on looking through the window beside him.
I watched his reflection on the window beside him; he closed his eyes and took a shaky deep breath.
It was not his fault. I didn’t feel angry; I could never be angry at him, at least for something that was not his fault.
I wouldn’t blame him for anything this time. I didn’t know what to say. We needed this couple of minutes in silent, letting our mind solving the problem, not talking about it. There was nothing to talk about if it couldn’t make the situation better.
“Was I worthy this all?” He turned to face me when the traffic lamp turned to red. His eyes swollen
“Yes, you are.” I moved a bit and looked at him and wiped the tears on his cheek with my thumb.
“Who am I, worthy all this?”
The traffic lamp turned to green; I pulled the car over to the side of the road, and stopped.
“Darling,” I moved my hand from his cheek and squeezed his hand gently. “I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.”
He leaned to me and his cries became harder, his chest heaving with sobs.
We learnt to be strong.
I sat in the balcony and leaned my head on the window. It was beautiful; the sun was setting and washing everything in orange light.
How ironic it was I thought. There was something that could be so beautiful in this world, even though life had never been that perfectly beautiful.
Even now, I didn’t regret.
That was too sweet, being hated because of its sweetness.
But somehow, when the perfect balance got broken and it started to crumble, I became scared.
He knew I loved him as much as he loved me, he knew he was the first person I would be thinking when I woke up. Just the world we were living seemed like it didn’t know about it and I didn’t even care about it.
Somehow, we used to live in a weird happiness.
There was no one I could understand anymore, the grief or God, except my own questions.
He sat beside me, hugging my arm and leaned his head on my shoulder.
I was watching him as his face washed in an orange light.
He was beautiful like he’d always been. I didn’t know what we were doing that we became like this. It hurt to thinking of my parents who probably didn’t like us, not loving him as much as their son did. I couldn’t even consider living without him, to live without his warmth in this world.
“Without you, I’m just one, pathetic person to the world.” I said as I looked at the sun before us and frowned.
He laughed softly and kissed my shoulder.
I chuckled and nudged him. “Is that funny?”
“No,” He shook his head, smiled.
“So what are you laughing at?” I frowned
He held my face with his hands and gazed to me, smiling to me as he had always done.
“Hyukjae, in the other way you want to say that I fell in love with that pathetic person.”
We both laughed softly as my eyes softened to him.
“Hey, never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.”
He kissed my forehead. “What were you thinking?”
“I hate them,”
“My parents,” I whispered to him, letting a tear, or maybe two, roll slowly down my eyes.
“No, you don’t.” He said as he kept wiping every tear that had begun to fall with his fingertips gently.
“You loved them, you used to playing together; they loved you as much as you loved them.”
“But, Donghae… I had failed. My parents don’t like us,”
“Hyukjae…just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to, doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have,”
“And Hyukjae, listen…” He sighed and his eyes were glistening like it’d always been.
“Assertiveness is the imperative of life and failure is God’s way of putting ourselves in the right place.”
He caressed my cheek and kissed me gently.
“Who we are is determined by ourselves, and we will find the right path. It’s okay if they were against it, it took a time.” He smiled and tilted his head. “You will not be a good person if you hadn’t failed at the first time.”
I held his face and kissed him with every feeling I had; tranquility, gratefulness, relief, exuberance and love.
I leaned my head on his shoulder, crying so hard, it was the first time I felt so loved, felt so precious.
Life and love; he taught me that. He was the point of my existence.
Even today, every day I spent with him still glued in my memory like a leech.
I loved him. I loved him so much.
Love was an appealing, reaching high with moistened lips to the arising sun.
His love was an appealing, healing, reeling and revealing feeling.
He had touched my heart so deep. His life and his love would be the glory of a thousand years. And all the brilliance of the sun would illuminate our soul.
I love you; I call your name repeatedly.
My heart still can’t understand.
The word “goodbye” was repeated many times.
Even though it marks the end,
even though I am aware that we won’t be able to meet again,
I am still searching for the reason.
The word “goodbye” was repeated many times.
I can’t deceive my heart.
On my ears, the residual rain reminds me of the glaze in a far away island.
Beneath them, you become a mermaid.
Your voice; sing a beautiful song – hundred or thousand years after everything happened.
Everyday you bring words inside my body, and with that, I find the loneliest person on earth is more frightening than death.
He sat on my lap; his warm fingers gently fitting them between mine and closed around my own, my naturally cold fingers interlocked with his and pressing them on my chest.
“When, I saw you~ for the first time~ I knew you were the one…” he sang an old song from my favorite online game and traced his finger to every shape of my hand and fingers. “I love that song.” I said as I looked at our fingers.
“Yes, I knew we loved it…and I meant it,” the warmth of his fingertips made my heart skip a bit as he reached up to touch my face, even now, his fingertips felt so warm against my cold skin even though the temperature was so cold in our bed now, he was naturally warm. Donghae watched me and I raised my eyebrows, demanding him to continue. I just kept quiet as I gazed to his hands, secretly loving every caress he made. I just didn’t know what to say as I thought there were no words worth to say.
“Look,” he said as he smiled and interlocked our hands once more, “Even my hand fits on yours this way, don’t you think?”
He smiled and put the back of my hand on his cheek, leaned into it as he fluttered his eyes closed. Yes, Donghae was perfect, I thought. Was the shape of my hands any different from others? I didn’t know and it didn’t even matter.
“Hyukjae, your hand always felt so cold… but this time, your hand feels so warm.”
My heartbeat accelerated and I pulled him into my embraced while planting kisses on his lips. He looked at me and blushed, and how it never bored me to admire the red color which perfectly painted his cheeks. The thought he was blushing for me made me become the selfish one, I hoped he would always blush only for me, every time he’d think about me.
He slowly moved his hands around my jaw line, trailed the caress to my hair and caressed it softly. He leaned forward and my blood raced through my veins. His lips touched mine and he leaned into it, really kissing me. My body responded and I kissed him back. Somehow my hand moved on its own accord to touch his slender waist. He moved away, leaving me wanting for more and he laughed. I blinked a couple of times and chuckled before he gave a quick peck on my lips.
“I love you.” He said, slinging his arms over my neck, and I tightened my arms over his slender waist.
I loved him, and I wouldn’t ever forget.
My cigarette’s extinguished and my cup of coffee is empty again.
I order another coffee cappuccino and light another cigarette.
I stretch my body and rest my head on the back rest of the sofa. I close my eyes, inhale the cigarette and puff the smoke out.
When I close my eyes, I see him, no matter where I am. It’s hard to be alone.
I finally know how he was feeling every time he was crying when he was lonely, even though this is from another perception.
Most of time, I will remember about him. Our memories keep replaying like it’s just happened seconds ago.
I smile as I keep watching his smile in my memory.
His happiness, his life, his love, his smile and his vigor are things that can’t easily stop being played in my mind.
In the theory of physic, they were saying that there’s some sound which make your heart beat faster. And for me, it’s Donghae’s.
The bell sound of the café plays gently and the footsteps can barely be heard in the midst of the rain.
The cigarette I’m holding between my fingers, being pulled out gently, and my eyes flicker open at the sudden action.
There, someone is standing beside me now. The presence that fills my heart completely, whom I love with every bit of my soul, my lifetime partner.
He smiles and puts my cigarette away.
I want to be forever with him. Forever with his smile, forever to whisper thankful and grateful words for every second I will spend with him.
We will have forever to love each other.
I smile, gaze at him and start to open the new, white page on my memory to be paint with our lives.
Life is like a cappuccino, the bitterness from the first taste will fade once you have experienced it and leave you the sweetness.